Caring for aging relatives: financial conversations and planning
Managing Director, Head of Wealth Planning and Advice, J.P. Morgan Wealth Management
- Start with a calm, sensitive conversation about wishes, privacy and control – your loved one may need time before they’re ready to talk.
- Cover the essentials early: health needs, decision-makers (like a power of attorney or healthcare proxy), day-to-day finances and understanding assets.
- Build a support team – share the work with family and consider professionals like healthcare providers, a financial advisor and an elder law attorney.
Supporting an aging parent or relative can raise sensitive questions about care, decision-making and finances. A calm conversation and a clear plan can help families navigate next steps with more confidence.
Start with a conversation about wishes
Open communication is essential when helping aging relatives with finances and other sensitive topics. Parents and adult children are often reluctant to have these conversations, and older relatives may worry about losing control or privacy. It’s important to approach them with sensitivity and patience.
Here are a few tips to keep in mind:
- Stay calm and address the topics in a nonthreatening way. You may have to start the conversation more than once before your loved one is ready to open up.
- You could choose a family member – or someone outside the family – who has a strong relationship with your relative and can approach the conversation with compassion.
- Consider speaking with an elder law attorney to help with planning and framing the conversation.
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Questions to discuss as you plan
Health issues, medical insurance, decision-making in case of incapacity and help managing day-to-day finances are some of the most frequently encountered concerns.
Planning for long-term care and costs
- Are they able to manage day-to-day activities – bathing, dressing, preparing meals and moving around safely? Is there a plan for when these activities become more difficult? Do they have long-term care insurance? If not, are they still able to purchase a policy, and does it make sense for their situation? If your relative would like to preserve assets for younger generations, you may want to learn about Medicaid eligibility and discuss planning with an elder law attorney.
Estate and decision-making documents
- Decision-making can become more challenging as some older adults age. Does your loved one have up-to-date powers of attorney, a living will and a healthcare proxy? Has your loved one appointed someone to act on their behalf if they become unable to make their own decisions (for example, an agent under a power of attorney or a trustee)? Which relatives or friends are named in those roles? Have you listed a trusted contact person on financial accounts where it’s available?
- Understand your loved one’s assets. This may take time. Are estate planning documents in order? What mechanisms are in place to ensure continuity of asset management and bill payment? Does your loved one have a revocable trust? Is there a plan if a guardianship is ever needed? Are all parties in agreement about finances? For example, jointly titled accounts, while convenient for a caregiver, can have unanticipated consequences, depending on state property laws. Heirs may also have different views about how assets in a jointly titled account should be distributed upon the older account owner’s death.
- Finally, listen to your loved one’s end-of-life wishes. Who will be involved in their care, and who will help make medical decisions?
You are not alone – build a team
Elder care – on top of work, family and other aspects of day-to-day life – can be an overwhelming responsibility. Share the work. In addition to help from family members, professional help is also available for many aspects of elder care. Try to get agreement on the care plan from most or all family members. Ask for advice from a primary care physician or other healthcare provider, a financial advisor, an elder law attorney and anyone else you think might be helpful.
Above all, have your own support system in place as you navigate what can be an emotional and challenging process.
A J.P. Morgan professional can help you identify and coordinate your team so that you have less to worry about as your relatives continue to age.
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